some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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