i jhust puked up my retainher.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
