i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
