So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm passing your future prison.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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