this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
