mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
