Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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