im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
