Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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