I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
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he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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