I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
