btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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