that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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