I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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