i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
