I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
