drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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