Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want to make out with him forever
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
All the doctor said was why
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
