I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
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