Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
