his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
