new low.... made out with someone while peeing
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
