So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Randomize
