Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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