I got chris browned last night
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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