So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
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I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
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Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize