She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
