I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
