Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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