They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
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