my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
