She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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