Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
