So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
