Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
