There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
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Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
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It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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