why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
