This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
