I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
