Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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