You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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