i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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