Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
