Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
that may or may not have been my penis.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
