You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
