my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
