Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
