Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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