I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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