is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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