Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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