I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
