So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
