We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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