I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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