I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
