She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
