We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
