I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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