id be glad to
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
