I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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