somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
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I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
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Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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