this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i dont even know how to be here
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
