Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
