I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
