i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
