Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
