Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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